"I just don't get the way she explains things." Many parents hear some version of this at least once. Sometimes it is a passing complaint, and sometimes it is the first sign of a gap that will grow all year. Either way, it is hard to watch your child lose confidence in a class you can't sit in on.
When your child doesn't understand the teacher, first figure out whether it is a style mismatch or a real skill gap. Ask what specifically confuses them, compare homework and test results, and talk to the teacher with curiosity, not blame. If it is a style mismatch, a second explanation from a tutor often helps. If it is a real skill gap, a tutor can find and rebuild the missing skill.
Here is how to sort out which situation you are in, and what to do in each.
Style mismatch or real skill gap?
These two problems look the same from the kitchen table, but they need different responses.
Signs of a style mismatch
- Your child understands the material once it is explained another way, by you, a sibling or a video.
- The complaint is about pacing, tone or format: "she goes too fast," "he just reads from the slides," "there are no examples."
- Grades in that class are lower than in similar classes, but your child can do the work at home.
- Your child did well in the same subject last year with a different teacher.
Signs of a real skill gap
- Your child cannot do the homework even after a second explanation.
- Test scores are low and getting lower over several units.
- The struggle traces back to an earlier topic. In math, trouble with algebra often traces to fractions or negative numbers.
- Your child says, "I don't get any of it," rather than "I don't get how he teaches it."
Often it is both. A teaching style that does not suit your child can let a small gap go unnoticed until it becomes a big one.
Questions to ask your child
Vague complaints are hard to act on. These questions help turn "I don't like how she teaches" into something specific:
- "What happens in class when you get confused? Can you ask a question?"
- "Is it the explanations, the speed, the homework or the tests?"
- "Can you think of a lesson where it did make sense? What was different?"
- "Do other kids in the class seem confused too?"
- "If you could change one thing about the class, what would it be?"
Listen for specifics. "She does examples on the board too fast for me to copy" is something you and the teacher can work with.
How to talk to the teacher
Teachers are juggling a full class and limited time for each student. Going in with criticism of their style can make them defensive. Going in as a partner trying to help your child usually works better.
Try an email like this:
Hi [Teacher name], [my son/my daughter, Name] has been finding the recent unit hard to follow and says [he/she] gets lost during [the worked examples]. I'd like to help at home. Is there anything you've noticed about where [he/she] struggles? Are there notes, examples or extra practice you'd recommend? [He/She] may not always ask questions in class, so any suggestions for how [he/she] can get help from you would be great. Thank you.
Useful things to ask about:
- Whether the teacher has noticed the struggle, and what skill it centers on.
- Whether there are office hours, before-school help or a way to ask questions privately.
- Whether class notes or slides are posted online.
- Whether your child could sit closer to the front or near a peer who can help.
Meanwhile, coach your child on self-advocacy. Help them practice one sentence they can say to the teacher after class, such as "I followed the first part of today's example but got lost at the second step. Could you show me again?" A specific question is easier for a teacher to answer than "I don't get it," and it shows the teacher exactly where the explanation broke down. Older students can also email the teacher a photo of a problem they are stuck on. Small steps like this can improve the relationship as well as the grade.
If several meetings go nowhere and the problem is affecting your child's grades and confidence, the school counselor can help with options, which may include a section change if the school allows it.
How a second explanation from a tutor helps
A tutor does not replace the teacher. A tutor gives your child a second, 1-on-1 explanation of the same material, at the student's pace, with room to ask "why" as many times as needed. That second explanation helps in a few specific ways:
- A different angle. If the teacher explains with formulas first, a tutor can start with a picture or a concrete example, then connect it back to the formula the class uses.
- Pacing. The tutor can slow down on the hard step and speed through what your child already knows.
- Finding the real gap. If the struggle is an older skill, the tutor can go back and rebuild it.
- Translating the class. A tutor working from your child's own notes and worksheets helps them make sense of what the teacher is doing, so class starts to click too.
Say your daughter is in chemistry and lost on mole calculations. Her teacher moves quickly through dimensional analysis on the board. A tutor might start with a simpler conversion she already knows, like inches to feet, show how the same setup works for moles, then walk through her homework using the teacher's format. The next day in class, the board work makes more sense because she has seen the same idea twice.
A decision rule for parents
- Your child can do the work after another explanation, and grades are holding: encourage them to ask questions, use the teacher's resources and check in again after the next test.
- Grades are slipping and the struggle is in one class: talk to the teacher and consider a tutor for a second explanation.
- Your child seems lost even with other explanations: look for a skill gap from earlier grades. A tutor can find and rebuild it.
- The struggle shows up in most classes and has lasted a while: consider mentioning it to your pediatrician or the school counselor. There may be a simple explanation, such as sleep, stress or eyesight, and they can help you decide whether anything else is worth looking into. A tutor can keep supporting schoolwork in the meantime.
For more on whether outside help makes sense, see does my child need a tutor.
A second explanation, matched to your child
A Learner Academic Advisor learns about your child's class and how they learn best, then matches you with a tutor who fits. You can share class notes and worksheets so the tutor explains the same material your child's class is covering, in a different way. We work in math, chemistry and more. When you are ready, find a tutor who explains things in a way your child understands.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I ask the school to switch my child to a different teacher?
Some schools allow section changes and some do not, and policies often depend on scheduling and class sizes. Before asking, talk with the teacher first and document what you have tried. If the problem continues and is affecting your child's grades or well-being, the school counselor is usually the right person to ask about options, including a schedule change.
What if my child says the teacher doesn't like them?
Take it seriously but gather details before acting. Ask for specific examples of what happened. Sometimes a child reads a strict or busy teacher as unfriendly. Sometimes there is a real conflict. A calm meeting with the teacher, and the counselor if needed, can clear up misunderstandings. If you see a pattern of unfair treatment, escalate to the school administration.
Is it normal for a child to learn better from some teachers than others?
Yes. Students respond differently to pace, tone and how material is presented. Some prefer lots of worked examples, others like discussion, and others need to see a picture before a formula. Many children adapt over a school year, especially with a little support. If one class keeps causing problems, a second explanation from a tutor can bridge the difference.
How do I know if my child's struggles are a learning difference and not the teacher?
A teaching-style issue usually shows up in one class with one teacher. A possible learning difference tends to appear across subjects and years, and may involve reading, attention, memory or processing speed. If you notice that broader pattern, consider bringing it up with your pediatrician or the school counselor. They can help you decide whether an evaluation makes sense.
